‘Lowest of the lows’: How shut ‘guilty’ Cleary got here to early Panthers exit

Panthers coach Ivan Cleary has sensationally revealed simply how shut he got here to giving up teaching after a tumultuous begin to his second stint at Penrith.

Following a disastrous two-year stint with the Tigers, Cleary returned to Penrith having coached the membership between 2012 to 2015 earlier than he was fired.

Penrith had made the finals the earlier three years earlier than he arrived on the foot of the mountain a second time, however missed out in 2019 — ending tenth.

The Panthers had solely gained two video games from their first 10 and the stress was heaping on Cleary who had hit “rock bottom” and was questioning if he was the best man to steer the membership ahead.

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Speaking with shut buddy Hayden Knowles on the Get the Edge podcast, Cleary revealed the toll that season took on him.

“That was tough that first year … you were about that far away [not far] from saying, ‘I’m not going to do this anymore’,” Knowles mentioned.

“Yeah, I was,” Cleary replied.

“Because I was with you, and we were riding highs and lows together and there was many times we were sitting at your house… you did unload some stuff that year,” Knowles mentioned.

“You were that close to giving up because of the pressure, because it was affecting the people you love, not so much you, and I watched you go through that.”

Since 2019, the Panthers have gone on to make three grand finals, win two minor premierships and safe back-to-back premierships.

The Panthers and Roosters are the one groups to win two premierships in a row since 2000 and Penrith broke an 18-year drought after successful the competitors in 2021.

“Can you imagine if you did quit, somehow you found a way and since then you’ve had three grand finals in a row,” Knowles mentioned.

“Had to go through some tough times and painful decisions to make… and now you have just won two premierships in a row, back-to-back, not many people have coached that.”

“It sounds a little dramatic, but it’s true, I coached the Panthers for four years, lost my job, was out of coaching for a year,” Cleary mentioned.

“That was a good year for me, I really reflected a lot… got a job at the Wests Tigers, really grateful for that opportunity.

“But one thing always gnawed at me was I had to coach against my son, two games I did it, I hated it, my wife hated it, I really didn’t like it.

“Long story short, Panthers offered to get me back, it was like I would love that. Nothing against the Tigers but I had unfinished business here I felt… I started from a rebuild… to be able to coach Nathan was the icing on top.”

But it was not all that it appeared, with Cleary additionally opening as much as Knowles concerning the guilt he felt as his son struggled of their first 12 months collectively on the foot of the mountains.

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“The messiness of the Tigers exit plus the father and son thing was a big story and if we failed that was going to be an even bigger story,” Cleary mentioned.

“That was exactly what was happening. First 10 games we’d won two, Nathan wasn’t playing well. We played a game [in the] middle of the year against the Warriors. I remember the game finished and thinking, ‘I’m responsible for that. That was awful’.

“I was at the lowest of lows. I honestly felt really guilty because it was affecting Nathan’s form. I was not at my best that year in so many ways. I had a five-year contract. I was halfway through and was definitely thinking, ‘I don’t think I’m the right man for this job’. “Team is playing badly, star halfback is suffering because of our relationship. I was burdening him because of the pressure of this father-son thing. We somehow made it through.”